Edmund Lucy Fentible, the Starship Titanic Doorbot, guides you around our
handily-equipped Technical Support department.
Good evening to you, unknown life form. Wonderful evening. Fantastic evening. A
brilliantly exciting positively fecund evening to you! And if I may say to the remains of
your delightful home. Please accept a free cruise. Well, it's probably free. I can't remember.
Who cares? You probably do. Who are you? Who am I? Oh dear, I can see it's already turning
into one of those days.
Let's start again. Welcome to the Starship Titanic. Here I am, Fentible, DoorBot number 5987889317493763392 at your service.
Now, I see you have your own little computer systems on earth. That must keep you awfully amused.
We'll just ascertain that it's suitably endowed, and we can get you on board.
Got all that? Good. Now then, is everything working? Oh dear, another of those penetrating questions.
I'm sure if you wait the answer will come to me. Umm.....ummmmmm, no apparently not.
Try the 'Frequently Asked Questions' - FAQ's.
It's my duty as a Doorbot to ensure that as many problems as possible are
removed from your path.
A couple of irritating little pebbles have been
brought to my attention since the start of the voyage but they're easily
side-stepped with these patches.
Now then, how are we going to get the Titanic working properly, that's what I want to know. Let's go
through it step by step...
Have you tried kicking it? Yes? You've tried everything in the FAQ?
I admire your persistence.
Nevertheless, there are some problems that I am simply unable to answer. You might have tracked
down a bug - and what a wonderful boon you have performed for us all by capturing it!
Fill in the details here, press 'Deliver', and your report will pop out
somewhere else in the ship, bright as a button and fresh as a daisy, ready for our team of
anaxiomaticians to investigate...