And this is YOUR PAGE!

In order to advise our caring professional counterparts on the StarShip Titanic how best they may serve your every want, we would wish you to supply us with the tiniest little teensy weensy bit of extra data concerning your own personal good self, and in doing so would wish to assure you of our utmost obsequiousness at all times, yea even unto the very end of time.

(NO WAY! I'M TOO SUCCESSFUL FOR THIS KIND OF POOP!)

First, it's dreadfully embarrassing and we simply can't understand it, but, despite your assurances that you had already supplied us with some immensely important personal details ­ and we have no reason at all to doubt your word, good heavens no ­ we do not seem to be able to lay our hands on that information at this exact moment. So perhaps you could tell us how to contact you:

Name
E-mail
Organization
Work Phone
URL

And next, your home planet (or other astronomical co-ordinates):

What best describes your personal life-form?

Carbon-based Silicon-based Electromagnetic field system Photonic system Boson aggregate plexus Magellanic cloud biomorph Gravitational complex Biomechanical (artefact) Biomechanical (evolved) Quantum phenomenon (transient) Quantum phenomenon (semi-stable) Other...

If "Other", describe it here:

Tell us about your preferred energy-deficit management techniques

Homovore (e.g. Animal/carnivorous) Heterovore (e.g. Animal/vegetarian) Auto-transduction (E.g. photosynthetic) Direct (E.g. Electromagnetic field absorption)

And your preferred delivery system, if animal homovore:

Alive Alive and kicking Alive, kicking and screaming Alive and docile Alive and eager Stupefied but resigned Dead but still warm Dead recently Dead and on the turn Cooked Really cooked Charred to a cinder Walked quickly past the grill Been in the room where the grill is Knows where the grill is Knows *what* the grill is

And your preferred respiratory/transpiratory environment:

Oxygen Nitrogen Halogen Aqueous Plasma cloud Sticky green gunk Arterial blood Pine-forest room freshener Dust cloud Ionised gas complex Georgio Eau de Parfum Mephitic hogo

Now a few questions to help our in-cruise Entertainment Officer tailor a unique provisional in-cruise Entertainment Program uniquely suited to your own personal Life Configuration:

How would you best describe your preferred Personal Recreation Profile?

Couch Potato	Couch Broccoli	Couch Naugahyde
Active	Passive	Passive/Aggressive
Docile	Proactive	Hyperactive
Inert	Frenetic	Vegetative
Sociable	Sociopath	Underhanded
Schlemiel	Aesthete	Rock Bunny

Do you possess any of the commonly-approved Adult Site verification passwords?   YES     CERTAINLY NOT

Please state number of buttocks (or equivalent):

Your preferred form of exercise:

Aerobic Anaerobic Microbial Horizontal

Your physical reactions to exercise:

Perspiration Transpiration Deliquescence

Indolent nonchalance Screaming ab-dabs

Your attitude to team activities is best described as:

Enthusiastic Gloomily tolerant Violently antipathetic

Clumsily eager Contemptuous Homicidal

Would you describe your tastes as

Highbrow Middlebrow Lowbrow Simian

Reptilian Monocytic Vegetable

Please indicate whether you agree with the following statements:

I enjoy being in crowds of people

I believe that sex is a matter for governmental regulation

I think that smokers should have their hearts ripped out and burned before their eyes

I agree that a querulon's place is in the home

I believe that Def Leppard are musicians

I believe there is something creepy about a guy with too many shoes

I enjoy violence in the cinema

I enjoy sex and violence in the cinema

I enjoy sex and violence at home

I enjoy sex in the cinema and violence at home

I am fundamentally a successful person

I am fundamentally a schmendrick

Everyone else is fundamentally a schmendrick

I wouldn't say no if it were offered me on a plate

I don't know what you're talking about and demand to see my attorney

Oh, and, by the way, we do seem to recall asking you to nominate your preferred species of frog but that information seems to have unaccountably gone astray as well, so if you could be so kind...

African Bullfrog, Pyxicephalus adspersus American Toad, Bufo americanus Asian Spadefoot Toad, Megophrys monticola Asiatic Horned Toad, Megophrys nasuta Barking Treefrog, Hyla gratiosa Black-spined Toad, Bufo melanostictus Bullfrog, Rana catesbeiana Clawed Toad, Xenopus laevis Cope's Treefrog, Hyla chrysoscelis Cuban Treefrog, Osteopilus septentrionalis Dwarf Clawed Toad, Hymenochirus boettgeri Dyeing Poison Arrow Frog, Dendrobates tinctorius European Common Toad, Bufo bufo European Green Treefrog, Hyla arborea Fire-bellied Toad, Bombina bombina Giant Toad, Bufo marinus Golden Mantella, Mantella aurantiaca Green Frog, Rana clamitans Green Poison Arrow Frog, Dendrobates auratus Green Toad, Bufo viridis Green Treefrog, Hyla cinerea Grey Treefrog, Hyla versicolor Horned Toad, Ceratophrys ornata Juvenile Reed-Frog, Hyperolius marmoratus Leopard Frog, Rana pipiens Lovely Poison Arrow Frog, Phyllobates lugubris Marine Toad, Bufo marinus Marsh Frog, Rana ridibunda Marsupial Frog, Gastrotheca marsupiata Midwife Toad, Alytes obstetricans Oriental Fire-bellied Toad, Bombina orientalis Ornate Chorus Frog, Pseudacris ornata Pacific Treefrog, Hyla regilla Painted Frog, Discoglossus pictus Painted Frog, Kaloula pulchra Pickerel Frog, Rana palustris Poison Frog, Dendrobates tinctorius Poison Frog, Epipedobates tricolor Red-eyed Treefrog, Agalychnis callidryas Riobamba Marsupial Frog, Gastrotheca riobambae Running Frog, Kassina senegalensis Spring Peeper, Hyla crucifer Surinam Toad, Pipa pipa Tomato Frog, Dyscophus antongili Western Toad, Bufo boreas Whistling Frog, Eleutherodactylus johnstonei White's Treefrog, Litoria caerulea Wood Frog, Rana sylvatica Yellow-banded Poison Arrow Frog, Dendrobates leucomelas Yellow-bellied Toad, Bombina variegata Yer Basic Small Cute Green Frog, Frogga mundanis

THANK YOU! That is all the information we require for the time being.

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